A World Through Glass

Diary: 18/3/2013

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 10:23:42 -0400

Hey howdy

Just been to a Magic the gathering draft which was pretty fun seeing as how I managed to latch onto a somewhat decent strategy. It meant that I won 2 booster packs (although my best card I got in the draft and then never used in the games). For the first time I felt like I would be ok with building a new deck (previously I’ve just sat with my Madness deck, which cost me nothing and was/is pri-deece) but then I remembered that I dont play magic.. the drafts are the only time I use them. I mean I’ve got 2 huge containers full of cards that I never use because of these drafts. I guess I just want a deck to go besides my madness deck but I also dont want to waste money buying tons of cards to fill up space.

Anyhow, uni has been well, Uni. I got a couple of low level assessment pieces that were due in last week and had to scramble to get them done. Well, it wasn’t hard just had to do them and I left no time for that. Still, got them done and it went well. And my presentation was apparently well done enough to attract a couple of people to join Courtney and I already! Seem like decent guys. Unlike the group I ~~have~~ had for game design. Jasir and I conflicted on everything and, well this is purely emotion fueled speculation with no evidence, but I figure his artwork just won the other guys over so they were able to vote against me and that meant that Jasir is the good guy here. Upon looking into his idea I just had no faith in the idea. Not the direction they were taking it. After todays presentation we sat down with the lecturer and had a discussion about the whole thing and whilst it feasible for us to continue to work together, neither Jasir nor I wanted that to happen over splitting up. The lecturer did then decide that we should, if just simply because continuing together would see more fighting and bickering, to the point that it would impact our grade. So, Im a floating group member atm. Nothing to work on until she reshuffles the groups of 3 so that maybe they can become groups of 4 and then I’ll fit in one of them. Hopefully I’ll move to Tuesdays group as well.

Whats next, work? Work is fine.. nothing special there. I organised the first swapping of shifts that I’ve had to do. Pretty cool.. ish

Alright personal stuff. Well, I talked with Jaci. I saw her at Central one day while I was working and decided I’d text her then. Well, few days later I was able to. Went as well as you’d expect initially. Got angry. Insults flew (Personal favourite: “You should get yourself to a butcher. That way you can show him that cow’s dont have hearts”). After cooling off I managed to have a normal conversation with her and she (apparently) sent me $40 as a testiment that she will pay it back (I say apparently because her bank seems to be run entirely off 90’s cell phones, and hence takes like 4 days to transfer funds so I haven’t seen it yet). As with Courtney.. nothing spectacular. I kinda felt something while I was bored watching presentations in the aforementioned presentation section that I did well in. However, rushing ahead never solved anything in any kind of relationship. Sailing smoothly and silently. Well, undetected… Well its not like there is anything to detect but… oh you get my meaning. I’ll just keep doing what im doing.

Diary: 4/3/2013

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 10:52:22 -0500

Well I’m back. I kind of hate coming here as I feel like I’m lying to someone. Everything and anything I talk about is bound to change and if I or anyone else is using this as reflection on my life then these posts have to serve quite a high level of legibility. I suppose this contraint is self inflicted but its a diary about me so who else is going to give me the contraints? What constraint is there to never post?

Regardless, Hi.
My thats a while since I posted, um ok. Christmas was great. The best part was the sitting around with family and having everything being ok and right with the world. I also got Halo 4 so, not bad. Biggest thing though is that Jack bought me GW2 (even though the promise was that they had to be playing still).

Guild Wars 2 is amazing. I’ve never been invested in an MMORPG before and thats largely been because the only MMO worth it was WoW and I hate subscription fee’s. It wreaked havoc on my sleeping pattern. I had a solid, 2am to 11am sleeping thing going on, and GW2 just fcks it up, making me go to bed 3-4 and wake up 12-1. It wasn’t even on the dot or anything it was mished and mashed. Sometimes I’d go to bed at 2 and still get up at 1. Eugh, anyway, invested in GW2 atm. Moreso than LoL. I hit 80 before Jack did and he had a 50 level lead… Anyhow you dont really want me to hear me talk about GW2. Although talking about games would be fun, it’d be monotonous and REALLY long.

Onto life then, I still have the job. Going strong, no more pain, I fit in… as well as I fit in anywhere. At one time i had 4 shifts a week but Uni’s on now so back to 3 shifts, good times in the afternoons after Uni. Sucks having to stay back but I’ve got to work sometime. Got $5000 in savings and getting $2000 in 2 weeks. Looking into buying a proper gaming PC… its taking a while.

Uni is pretty cool. First week done, currently struggling physically. As with the afformentioned screwed up sleeping pattern its kinda hard to get up everyday at 7-8 am and do things. I have been good the past week but said fck it this weekend and also now by staying up too late, hopefully this will not be a problem. (I know it will). Horrible class timings aside the classes themselves are great. Good lecturers all round and the classes seem interesting. Multimedia Systems is seeming a bit coo-coo atm though. Lecturer is kinda crazy.. Anyway, 1st week. Idk anything about how the content will be.

Funny thing, 3 of my subjects are the same as my afformentioned “Flower”. I should probably stop calling her that cause I almost didn’t know who I was talking about when I read it! I mean its not like I think Courtney reads this. I’ve never told her about it. Just that I feel comfortable will saying her name as I can’t see how it would be that we end up together I mean we are really different. Not different like me to a marine biologist/living on the edge person but just how we go about things. She actually has a life. Still, good friend to have. Especially with the similar subjects. Besides, the best relationships are the ones that aren’t organised. I mean whether 2 people are compatible is beyond anyones control so feck it.

Alright, last topic. Jaci. I haven’t talked to her in weeks. I’ve deleted her number so I literally cannot text her. At least 3 weeks and she doesn’t want to say hey or anything. Fuck her. Thats what I’ve decided. I’ve wasted enough of my life loving who she was. Jaci from Ancient doesn’t exist anymore and no amount of talking to Jaci + Conor is going to help with that. Nothing I can do can change it. Nothing. I’ve just left it. If it is able to be sorted out then the sorting out of it doesn’t involve me at all and it’ll just happen. The one problem is she still owes me money. Now how am I meant to get the money from her if she’s broke? If she was to come into any money now, I’d have no idea because I dont talk to her anymore. I spose I’ll have to put that on the backburner as well. I doubt I’ll forget it anyway.

Diary: 4/10/2012

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 10:38:07 -0400

Still bored. Jack gets internet back on Monday so that will probably be when things get a lot more interesting.

Haven’t really done anything since arriving home. Since it was a public holiday I didn’t get my normal Monday shift so just the 3:30 to 7:00 Tuesday shift and the 7:00 to 11:00 on Wednesday. Thats right, 7 AM on Wednesday. Its killing me… I was meant to get up for Uni on Thursday at 9am just like normal right? Oh god it was painful to be awake… I couldn’t go… I hope my body will adapt or that I wont have a regular shift cause otherwise life is going to suck.

Its also been causing my ankles to hurt. Especially my left one. If that doesn’t go away I’ll have to consider orthotics again…

Money is awesome but I have to go back to my dietary worries of when I was at Subway. I’ve always used my lack of money as a way of justifying not having unhealthy things. But with money, that doesn’t apply.

I found out yesterday that I had an assignment due tommorrow, but I got it done today. Wasn’t too hard once I bought the $95 textbook. That was what I worked on today. After finally having that shave that I told myself I was going to have how long ago?

Girls? Well with the third girl (lets call her Flower cause, apparently thats what to call people I secretly admire) I’ve found myself kind of torn about whether I like her or not. But I think that the best thing to do, is to not think about it. I shouldn’t be deciding whether I like her thats just a thing that happens.

Diary: 29/9/2012

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 09:57:06 -0400

Well I suppose boredom is a factor in me making these posts. I really find myself without anything to do now. Its not that I dont have games that I could play and find enjoyable, but there is a lack of meaning to them. Tf2, LoL, DayZ all of them, even BLands 2. They have no meaning without friends to play them with. I dont think I need new friends though I mean most of the time its fine, its just the sometimes that no one is online. And I do have other friends but their hours of “busy” is magnified by the fact that I cannot convince them to come play, like Changy.

Anywho, the diary part of the diary. Just went and read my previous entry so I know where I left it. A whole semester ago. Subjects have changed, for the better. Game Design subject is getting more serious which is great cause, I pretty much got to design my own game. We only get to make a shitty prototype of one level, but the design of the entire game is there. And it was awesome. Secondly I have a subject called introduction into games production or something similar, which is theory about the entire games production line. From conception to funding to hiring people. That kind of stuff. Boring, but I’m sure its useful.

I then have 2 programming subjects. One on SQL and the other with Processing which is “Programming for Visual Designers and Artists” (Read: Veggie Programming). Its fun though and the SQL has been good so far but they’re moving into the access side of databases now which is giving me bad memories of IPT…

All in all, Uni is good… as long as I can focus on Databases now that assessment is over.

I got a job! I totally did yeah, Supanews at Central Station. Great job, pretty easy going, nice boss, even nicer supervisor, better pay than Subway too. It’d be all nice and breezy if it wasn’t for the fact that I think my regular shift on Wednesday starts at 7am… this requires a 5am wake up for me… that, sucks. But hey, I’m enjoying the disposable income, hopefully it’ll change, only the 3rd week.

The friendship between Jaci and I has been going through a sort of … renaissance period. Things that have always been the same are changed, a lot of sadness is had, but generally everyone is happy. Essentially the biggest/latest thing (idk which) that happened is she called me and told me that she just did not respect me and was going to go and not treat me as a friend. I wrote her a poem just like the one she did for me and I think it helped. I believe that it stopped her leaving but she’s still taking time to come back. Which is ok, right this very moment she’s… pissy. Idk why, idk when, but I’m sure it’ll pass. Very sure, I think I caught her at a bad time.

Other life females? Well, Anna and I talked (bigger than you think) and after our talk I can get why I was happy to leave her. Even if she wasn’t a bitch, I didn’t like THAT much of her personality. She’s pretty, yes, but I can’t be shallow. Also, I fucked up with her, best to just leave it.

My current fancy well, its surprising, idk about talking about it yet. Still got no idea if she knows, if she agree’s, if she likes it or anything. Will be included in the next update.

Diary: 23/4/12

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:08:33 -0400

Alright, Uni’s starting to grate. I really wish it didn’t though. Let me show you what I mean. This morning I woke up (well I was tossing and turning wanting to sleep since 8ish) at 10-11ish. I checked the internet, got my bag ready for uni and had a few games of LoL. As I was in the shower (first thing I did) I remembered about my haircut appointment at 12… this was at like 12:10 btw. Anyhow I left on time for the train, there was a cuffuffle about my go card and so when I got to central I got charged $5. I sorted it out later by calling them so, all good.

Now anyway, the thing is that my lecture was just… unappealing.. this is my computer games design lecture remember, that stuff I’m interested in? I just sat there on my laptop not doing anything and not really paying attention. I did put it away and get my book out, that helped me focus on the lecture but still, I had to prompt myself to write notes. Now see that wasn’t the end of the world (and neither was me playing solitaire >.>) but if I keep this up I’m worried if I’ll be a dropout… I’m hoping it was just my mood that day. Not sleeping well and all you know?

Anyhow, I got home, Ken went out so I had the house to myself so I ate dinner with my feet up on the couch playing Solitaire. Was better than expected. Nothing extreme happened until… well something extreme happened. Jaci told me about, and sent a picture to me of, a piercing.. not just a earring piercing or a nose piercing like she did before. A fucking skewer going through two points of her ear. I couldn’t believe she would willingly mutilate herself like that… its hideous… But, hey, wtf am I meant to do about it. I can’t fcking leave her… I need her… we had an argument and the outcome dissappointed me. I realised that the reason she went and got it was because she didn’t need my permission. Well I did know that before but my opinion didn’t impact her at all. This means that we aren’t half as close as I thought we were… she isn’t impacted by me and so I shouldn’t be impacted by her… I thought we were closer than that but hey… I’ll just have to suck it up. Deal with it and move on just like everything else.

The other female aspect of my life at this time, Anna, has kinda reentered after her dissappearance of late. I mean, we broke up but it was the type of break up that made it so impacting. We can’t be together. Hundreds of miles stand between us so… we can’t… it hurts because everytime I see that little thumbnail of a facebook profile I remember how beautiful she is, and then of how I can’t be near her… I mean I’m trying to move on and find someone who I can actually be with but I look at girls in Brisbane and I do find ones I find moderately attractive. I ask myself why (thats me being me) and the reason? Cause they look like Anna… FML. Well sometimes its co-incidental cause… Anna has got me into blondes… or maybe she just made me realise I like them. Idk. Either way, my heart still wants Anna and the only person in the whole of Brisbane who seems be able to counter that, was fcking asleep… can’t talk-up sleeping girls. Anna and I seem to be talking more now and I’m loving it… I hope we can find a solution so we can be together because there is nothing more I want.

Diary: 15/4/2012

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 03:49:48 -0400

Well today’s been empty. Just like every day this past week. Its been holidays and i’ve done nothing outside the house, except for a couple of things. Uni’s been alright. I am on top of everything right now apart from one particularly obtrusive python program (I’m looking at you Eliza!) but it should be alright.

Computer games design is fun and there is almost no homework

Introducing Design is apparently over and my blog is to a standard where i am now satisfied with it

Building IT systems is fun and apart from the aforementioned femalely named pain in the ass I am doing well… not my partner though.

Industry Insights oh god.. haven’t been to anything in 3 weeks cause of holidays, Introducing Design and my fainting spell

Yeah I fainted at central a few weeks ago. Doctor said I was sick and so I was out of energy so I just collapsed. TBH I never actually fainted, I just collapsed.

Another event of note is my birthday. Happened two weeks ago and we went for a nice family picnic/barbecue. That was satisfying. I hate my birthday. Just this past friday we also had a dinner at the Pancake Manor in town. I was kinda… upset by different things at the time but it was pretty cool and I think my relatives really did enjoy themselves. Anyways the aforementioned upsetness was just cause I was lonely. As I am mostly these days. Anna left me cause she couldn’t handle the long distance relationship, this may have been how I was handling it though cause just recently we’ve started talking again and I quote her “I am not over you”. So, idk. But that friday Jaci came so I felt really lonely yeah. I have no idea whats going to happen with Anna… but I miss her.. I want to hold her. I want to love her…

Diary: 6/3/12

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 03:46:16 -0500

Just a quick post. Anna and I split up. After a small screw up by me she overreacted (cause she got fired on the same day) and after then she never really liked me. I continued to like her more and more but in the end, it was so disparate that she couldn’t handle what I wanted (which was reasonable if she liked me as much as I did her). I’m ok with the break up. I will miss her but I realise she didn’t like me so I’m ok with it. I’m going to wait till a girl likes me before I like her now, cause I’m sick of women atm.

Jaci and I remain friends somehow. I tried to split us up cause I was thinking that I’m a terrible friend. And I am. But she doesn’t want it to be that way. And no, I’m not going back to loving Jaci now that I’m done with Anna

Also, Subway called and I’m fired. They can’t allow me to ignore customers twice. I only ignored them because I was told to do a job but I decided not to press the matter because it was going to be a hassle because of what I’m gonna say next.

I’m moving out! Yeah, its a little room over in Lutwytche but its cheap enough that I can survive on the centrelink payments. Which means yeah, didn’t need to fight for my job. We’ve starting packing things. I think it’ll be cool.

Diary: 18/2/12

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 02:50:18 -0500

Alright first off I have to tell you that its not the end of the day, so this isn’t really a diary post for today, more for my life since my last diary. Secondy, and this is a big thing. Probably…. no definitely a bigger thing than my first point. I’m no longer attempting to woo Jaci. Yup, completely over her. Now see the real kicker for this to happen was me finding someone else. Annalise Payne. Previously she was some chick who was friends with Jaci and I heard about on occasion. Now? She’s my girlfriend :| Ikr, who’d have thunk it. We first met when I was calling Jaci a slut, you know when she kissed Conor. Anna had messaged me and right from the get go, I just found her really nice. I mean Casey had a go at me, Jess threatened me but Anna? She kindly told me to stop, cause it was wrong. So I immediately stopped and starting talking to her instead. I liked her, sure, and I considered her as a possibility of someone (like you do with all new people you meet) but at that time I still liked Jaci.

Fast forward a few days and she’s been talking to me a lot and so I’ve begun to think she likes me so I was worried about that (again, still into Jaci) and then we were on the topic of Valentines day so… I asked her to be my valentine. Idk why, I guess at the time I figured it was a friendly enough gesture to be passed off if I didn’t like her and romantic enough to enable the start of a relationship. Anyhow after that things changed… we wouldn’t just chat anymore. All our talks were awkward because neither of us knew whether we were friends or if we liked each other. Eventually Jaci gave me her number and we started texting, then one night I jokingly asked for a photo and she said no, then she did anyway. Idk why, possibly because of how tired I was, but I almost instantly fell in love with the beauty of the girl in that photo. From that moment I didn’t give a rats about Jaci (well I do, she’s still my friend) and I just wanted her. The next night I called her and we have done so every night since except one. Our relationship progressed from there and in about a week I ended up saying I loved her.

We decided to abort that though, she said it back but we had to put the brakes on somewhere but did send her flowers for Valentines day and we agreed that as of that night, we were bf-gf. So yeah, we’ve been getting closer and I cannot wait till I get to see her in May when she comes down. We’ve organised (well, lets just say theorised) that we will spend most of one day together, then she can stay over my house and we’ll go to one of the superparks (dreamworld etc) the next day.

Uni hasn’t started yet, but I got my timetable so, all looks well :)

Diary: 26/1/12

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 08:59:00 -0500

Well, its Australia Day of the first year out of school. Been a long time since my last post… there’s a lot thats changed and I’d rather not talk about it but I spose that if I didn’t want to then I wouldn’t be here, which is partially to blame for why its taken me so long to post.

Well, Jaci’s back together with Conor and I now hold my feelings towards her as a good friend and not in love. Well, it fluctuates between that and the chick I wish I could chuck in a river (not fatal you see?), but more on that later. Now although I’ve told myself that I don’t love Jaci anymore, you’ve got to consider the fact that it was never my decision to fall in love with her anyway. It just happened and logically that means its natural and natural stuff doesn’t change. Which seems to denote that something is afoot. I haven’t seen Jaci, in person, since formal, so I’m still begrudgingly expecting myself to be in love with her again when I do because naturally that’s what is meant to happen. Not that I could think that I could love her at times nowadays…

She’s kissed Conor, don’t be an ass I know that couples kiss but it wasn’t that, it was how she put it. It was as if she was proud of it, gloating, shoving the fact that it was his lips and not mine that were on hers. I ended up calling her a slut just because I was so angry at her… after a few days in NSW she was sad and so she made me (through all natural girl persuasion powers) to talk to her again and we laid down rules. Rules like, no talking about Conor, I don’t give a crap about your shit and no random convos. If we’ve reached the end of the conversation, leave it. Forget it and only come back when you have something to talk about. For the most part they work well, a few days ago I was at the stage of removing that second rule cause I realised that if I wanted to talk to her about my shit, I’m gonna have to talk about her shit. (Although, if you look in the chat, it’d probably look like I just want to talk about her boobs so I’m willing to sit through whatever dribble she’d give to me) <— which isn’t it entirely at all.

But yeah, today, Jaci and I had organised a week in advance to see each other for the first time since formal. But she pulled out… just like at all the other events that she’s always supposed to go to but ditches me… Like my birthday party… which got cancelled… cause of her… I felt like crying, me, on my birthday…

Oh, btw, I have a job at Subway which is working out well, Strathpine, in the food court. Its pretty cool, having a disposable income. Of course, till this time, having sweet or unhealthy things available to me have been treats, so even if I gobbled up every sweet thing that was available to me, it wasn’t much. But now I have a proper job, and that means money. I can get 4L of Sunkist for $2.50! Essentially it means that (as long as I go out) I have a infinite supply of unhealthy food. This is great and I’m not fat atm but I realised that I could drink 2L of soft drink a day, hell, maybe in one night. Im not going to stop my buying habits (which is restricted to one drink and one snacky thing available at one time) but one easy way i’ve found is never have something near your computer. I used to have huge glasses of soft drink and I felt terrible when I saw the bottom. But I realised that having them full of water, gave me the satisfaction whilst drinking. All I want to do while at a computer, is ingest stuff, whether it’s water, soft drink, cookies or salad (haven’t actually tested that last bit)

Anyhow, 12 PM now and I have work tomorrow so I’ll end this post here, good day readers.

Diary: 13/9/11

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 10:41:34 -0400

Sorry for the lack of posts, schoolwork has been clamming down harder than a jail warden.

Anyway today started sleepily due to all the time I spent awake last night because of Ancient so I begrudingly got ready and mum drove all of us to school. When we got to Dakabin I realised it was a free dress day and I wasn’t in free dress so we dropped Cadence off and went home, changed, and then came back.

I ended up on time for form. The relief teacher for Mrs Knight was nice. Most relief teachers are weird and kind of reject students but she actively talked to us and she even said she thought I was a Uni Student >.>

In Ancient I tried very hard not to get picked but after Jeremy’s she told me to go, so I went to print stuff out to avoid going then so I printed stuff out to avoid presenting for just one more presentation. When I presented I felt it went better than expected. 2 people voted Malaria and all the rest said Alcohol poisoning.

Anyhow Amelie keeps getting weirder and we played cards in film. Jaci and I had a nice lunch break after she performed her English assignment. In PEP we worked closely together (physically) on a crossword.

Maths was spent annoying Jack with my non-grasp of the subject matter. Maths is pretty laidback now cause all the work is done.

Second break I caught up with Jaci and I followed her and we talked while she ran some errands about Drama, speaking of which I still have her scripts :O We also tried to figure out what we were doing after school and we didn’t get there. Eventually I had a talk with my mum on the phone and she told me that she would be able to pick both Jaci and us up to go home.

This meant that all through English I had high hopes of finally showing Jaci my house. After English I told Jaci about the plan and she said that she didn’t want to run off to someone’s house without telling her mum so we changed plans and mummy agreed to give me some cash and then we were to stay at school till the performance. After trying convincing Jaci to stand on a really big grate in the bike racks (she squeezed my arm so tight :D) Jaci and I then started walking and talking all the way to Lillybrook. We bought a real coffee and then ordered a “Tradies Combo” with medium chips. We then walked and talked all the way back to school. It was great, tiring, but great.

By the time we got back to school we had no coke or burger left and only a few cold chips which seemed to appeal to the ravenous hunger of Jack but I left them there so idk what actually happened to them. Soon after arriving preparations started and I found myself assisting Jaci in what she was doing at the time. People started to roll in and I had difficulty convincing Jack that I had an informal backstage pass. I was eventually ushered away from backstage and into the normal crowd. Zach and I got a couple of front row seats.

I’m not going to explain what happened in the plays here because… it’d double or triple what I’ve already written here. But I will say that both plays were excellent and because we were in the front row we got to throw rocks! Well, newspaper rocks with sticky tape around them.

Despite the lovely day we had together, Jaci ditched me for Conor to go home :|

She did have to go home with him though but :/ yeah. Anyway I got home, watched Goodgame while eating pizza. Had a bath. Played a couple of ranked games and then wrote my blog. And so concludes this entry of this awesome day

Diary: 6/9/11

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 08:45:54 -0400

Woke up as per normal. Tired and wanting to go back to sleep. I ended up trying to change the music on my phone cause I got sick of it. I didn’t get the song I wanted and the one I did get on doesn’t work as a riding song.

Anyway rode to school and was only on time because of ^

Jaci was having a hard day and honestly Ancient only made it worse and she was fighting back tears. Its so hard not to console her because then she will burst into tears. Although we did get a bit of work done and organised to stay back that afternoon to A, work on ancient and B, to catch up since I didn’t go with her Monday.

After class there was a moment where I should have given her a hug and I hesitated and it was gone and then when I did ask her for a hug it was too late and she didn’t want to burst into tears.

Jack wasn’t in film so I spent it watching Amelie and playing cards.

Break time went well enough despite Jaci hanging out with Conor and PEP passed easily. In Maths, Mrs Williams let people work on other subjects if they wanted so I worked on Ancient. At second break I caught up with Jaci and Casey and then played 7Words with Casey as Josh and Jaci went for a walk privately. I can’t talk about what I think they were talking about.

In English we practice Editorials again and that gave me a good feeling about the English Exam on Friday because I can write them easy. After school I had to drop Xanthia at home before I could come back and so I rode faster than I ever have before and then had to slllloooooowww dooooowwwwnnn for Xanthia. Eventually we arrived home and I was able to leave her and ride really quickly back.

Although I went fast I had to stop on Marsden rode because of one little toddler. Read on facebook for more. Anyhow I got there and hardly got any work done but Jaci and I had one of the best times we’ve had together and I bought her afternoon tea (made of chips and soft drink) as an apology.

So after a long day I came home and not alot happened till now. Jaci was still upset at just… everything but hopefully she’ll feel better soon.

Diary: 1/9/11

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 09:54:06 -0400

This morning I thought it was 7:30 so I begrudingly got out bed and had breakfast before realising that it was in fact 7 >:|

Anyhow I took Xanthia to school on her bike and then arrived at a reasonable time. Jaci had said that she was going to wear her contact lenses so I was deathly afraid of meeting her. I considered going to somewhere else to wait out before form but I decided to go round the front way of the library. But I still chickened a bit to go to the toilet. Finally I managed to meet her eye to eye to find out that she didn’t have them >:|

Anyway that is technically good news. After form I left Jaci with Conor and went to IPT. We have started a new unit on games. This is good. I still plan to put other subjects first though. Even just to prove that I want IPT to be my drop out subject. After IPT English was ok, editorial stuff getting serious but she gave me a good response to my story so it was fun

At break I paid for the Shakespeare thing. PEP was ok, lost at cheat.

Modern is starting a new unit but we are not quite there yet so its in the easy bit in between.

Most of second break was spent waiting for Jaci to finish drama and after that we were able to walk over to F block before Ancient. In ancient we were able to talk about Conor cheating on her.

There was alot more to today but its taken me 3 hours to write this so I’m giving up

Diary: 31/8/11

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 09:56:12 -0400

I didn’t quite have the get up and go motive of yesterday because of the fact that the morning was spent doing nothing yesterday so today I didn’t get up early. The ride was uneventful and upon arriving I went straight to the hall. There was no food set up and so I started talking with Jack.

At some point Jaci arrived (Conor seemed to be nowhere in site) and then Jack left to do something with Jason. So it was just me Josh and Jaci and Josh figured that there was an awkward silence and so he decided to talk about LoL with me which really shut Jaci out and she walked off. I can’t blame her but I don’t think she should blame me I mean I didn’t ask Josh to talk about LoL. Anyway I think Jaci went and talked to Conor a bit but she left him to walk in with me.

The short response was alright. I found it funny that there was an XKCD in there but the Old Man swimming unit was BS. For the full story talk to me while I have the “miniature” version of the paper with me. I use quotation marks here because its still on A4 paper its just that the font has been reduced and some of the answering lines have been deleted.

At the end Jaci and I shared a knowing look about 1 particular question that involved comparing sources like we do ALL THE TIME in Ancient so we ended up showing Mrs Morris (and the rest of the english teaching staff). I can’t remember how but eventually Jaci went to talk to Conor and so I carried her bag up to the hall for her. She seemed very upset after her talk which was apparently a fight about me but I managed to cheer her up a bit.

The second multi-choice was BORING. Srsly all the units were uninteresting as hell. Well the password one was funny to (figuratively) laugh AT (not with). Anyhow I answered all but 3 of them (still guessed though). After the test we had to pack up tables and chairs again before heading down to say goodbye to Jaci. But Ben had Ice Cream! I mean wow awesome shit. I had 2 cones, Jack would have gone mental if I asked for a 3rd (judging from his reaction of my second).

At home I mainly played some good and bad games of LoL and also comforted Jaci as she continued to fight with Conor over me. The current situation and the way that we have it set up, is not working for her. It is Conor’s fault, I’m not shifting the blame here. I haven’t done anything (much) to make him act like he does and Jaci has never done anything either. Conor should watch out because it seems like Jaci is reaching the end of the line and Conor will have to accept me or lose Jaci.

Diary: 30/8/11

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 09:03:05 -0400

First off sorry for the lack of post. I had no time before having to go to bed for QCS. I think the most important thing to note is Jaci admitted that she did like like me at some point, multiple points. Certainly put a spring in my step.

Anyhow today I woke up as usual, happy to be able to go back to sleep at 6. At 7 I got got dressed and only had a minor nap before getting up earlier than normal. I had breakfast which was surprisingly filling (dam this lack of appetite from not being a young teenager anymore) and got my usual lunch. I rode to school extra early just to be sure to be on time for QCS. I arrived, locked up my bike and when I got the library most of the group convened to the hall where there was a breakfast going on.

I did plan to eat some of this but I was too full. I didn’t really see Jaci at all before the test. She stopped to say good luck to me before stepping in but that was it so I stayed with Jack and Josh. I had quite a few nerves stepping in and sitting down but when I saw the test paper most of them were gone.

The topic was gold and the thing that really reached out to me was the world, talking about humanity killing itself by its golden age of technology. I came up with a story idea that I felt good about as opposed to the crumby idea I had for flight and so I began writing it. I could sorta tell as I was writing it but I was writing really fast because I knew my story so I was able to complete a full draft and good copy before the 45 minute warning. Ending up trying to making HUGE number into binary. Didn’t get it done but it wasted time well.

After writing task there was the usual talk about topics and such but Jaci had this talk with Conor whilst I was with Jack and Josh again. Jaci did come to meet us but she was constantly at it with her phone and then Conor came down and they were alone talking again.

I tried very hard to not meet her before going into the test and it worked. I even managed to avoid eye contact. But this didn’t distract me from the questions. I worked through all the questions out of order. One of the units had 8 questions?! Anyhow around the 30min left mark the lights went off in the hall. Jaci and I exchanged various expressions of humour during this time. They tried to turn the lights back on and they went out again before staying on the next time. At the 10min mark Mrs Haye informed us that we had been allowed an extra 10min due to the lights. The lights didn’t actually stop me from doing the work but hey, extra 10 min to take it slow.

Afterwards I saw Jaci had placed all her shit over my bag so I couldn’t ignore her and then we walked down to L block cause Jaci had to go to the toilet. Conor left before she did and we briskly walked down to the bus in the rain while discussing the test.

When I arrived home mum convinced me into putting the mower in the car so we could take it to some mower fixing place near Jack’s house. We left shortly after and picked up Reuben. From there we went to the shops to skim some items for fathers day and then we continued to the place but we couldn’t find it. On the way back we picked up Drake from kindergarten and then finally arrived back home.

Most of the night was spent looking after kids, cooking and sorting out some shit with Jack. Did get one game of LoL in though. Fun times with Veigar

Diary: 24/8/11

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 08:58:49 -0400

This morning my body clock fucked up and I got up at 7 and got dressed as usual. Then I slept for what felt like half an hour and then got up at 7:10… Oh well managed to play some Puzzle Quest.

While riding to school I had a passing thought that Jaci might not be at school today because she was sick and hey, as I arrived at school Jaci’s bus turned up and Chloe hopped off and yelled to me she was sick. CALLED IT!

Anyhow I headed to the library and started work on Modern. Got a fair amount done and then headed to form.

Form ended quickly because the maths exam was to be on and she allowed us to get there early. Although when I arrived there was a class in there so I didn’t get extra time anyway. The maths test was pretty much what we had been doing in class but the first half had alot of trapezium rule which I hadn’t used since the assignment so I retaught myself during the exam and it seemed to work. Overall I feel as if I went well on all the question apart from any that involved e. I hate e…

I also went kinda slow so I was one of the last to leave and I still rushed the last two questions. The maths test went from the start of the first class till the start of my third! That’s Modern, Film and first break gone.

At the start of IPT I was allowed to eat outside and then I walked in and realised that I had saved my modern to my USB stick and not my emails… USB’s need unlocking so I wasn’t able to work on it. Instead I got an idea for a 2-player competitive platformer. Although the idea could be made co-operative if I wanted it to. Working out gravity again was a headache.

After IPT I remembered I had to perform English so after managing to convince Casey and Josh to come watch I painstakingly was admitted to F2 to perform.

There was a small amount of trouble with the video not having speaker sound but the teacher said it was ok. At one point the teacher smiled and gave me a thumbs up so I think I did well. Afterwards Casey and Josh said it was good, and not in the friendly, polite way. Casey, Josh and I chatted for the rest of break before we headed off to our classes.

If I had not had Modern to do then I feel I could have done ALOT of work on Ancient. Its amazing how much more work I do when Jaci is not around. Anyhow we were moved to the library where I put myself on a computer and worked on Modern. We were supposed to be either researching or revising but I feel confident about Ancient. By the end of the lesson I got my modern to a point where i felt confident to email it so I did.

Funny how the day without Jaci ends up having a small diary post?

Diary: 22/8/11

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 10:24:44 -0400

Today started mostly normally but my pants were in the wash so I had to use a different pair. It still is navy and it works but its not as comfy, got good pockets though. This may be part of the cause but somehow I was late finishing getting ready so I wasn’t able to ride, there was also the rain and the fact that Jaci wasn’t staying behind but I’d have ridden anyway. So I left home around 8:40 and I arrived late.

English went well and we organised to do my presentation in first break and we started our unit on editorials. I seem to be able to write them pretty well so it should be an easy topic. It was during this time I discovered the latest design blunder of the school cutting down trees. In order to get to L block I had a choice of going by the far side of F block or outside the school near the HALL! Ridiculous.

Anyway after finding myself a way to maths we continued work on integrals and graphs and all dat shat. I seem to find myself persuing my own questions and working seperate to the group and I know this is bad and I need to stop myself because if I don’t solve my problem then there is no one I can ask and half the time I can’t solve the problem the teacher is doing.

Break time I completely forgot about English and so we lounged at the new and disimproved Arena, now fully furnished with openly bright areas and a supreme lack of wind resistance. Seriously the whole place is an EYESORE. Anyway I got my second look at Jaci’s hand now the bruising is ALOT worse than when she sent me the pictures.

In PEP, as promised, we played Cheat. No one won by the end. It was fun.

In IPT I discovered that the assignment that I haven’t started is due NOW. For me this doesn’t mean its time for me to get cracking or time to fail it means it time for me to tell my parents that I am not doing it… when they find out.

Second Break I met up with Jaci and I worked on Modern all break. Had a little chat with Jaci and I apologised with voice and then Jaci arranged to not have to go in the afternoon so I arranged to stay back. I got the last bit of research done that I am going to do for modern. Now to write the thing.

Speaking of Modern that was my next class. I went there prepared to fend off Mr Hamson but instead I was told that only 2 people actually sent him emails and that we had some guest speakers. They were both dads of people in the class and they had served in East Timor and it was adequetly interesting to hear about their time in the country. Afterwards Mr Hamson presented us with the deal I was hoping for anyway, to do it and receive feedback in our own time. When I left I realised that I had forgotten english and went to see her but she had gone!

Afterward not seeing her I went and found Jaci looking for me. We headed for the IGA and we were joined by and then ditched by Conor on his way to Roslyn’s house. We talked a bit in the IGA as we bought our items and then made our way to Jaci’s drama class. I walked in to dump my stuff and then I lost the teacher so I headed outside to find her and I saw Jaci changing! GAH! TBH she was just changing her jumper to a jacket but still it was awkward especially after she specifically remarked that you could see her bra in her outfit and so I tried my very hardest not to look at her while still asking for help. I ended up heading into the staff room just to avoid the situation. Once there I quickly realised that Mrs Reid was not there and so I either had to go outside to Jaci again or ask one of the teachers in the staff room. I opted for the teachers and so Mrs Clark came to give me a laptop and I felt so bad cause she did it so begrudgingly and I felt like I disturbed her from something majorly important.

I had to migrate across the classroom to sit with Jaci and after that I didn’t get much modern done since we left waaaaaay early. After leaving early we dodged our way around the fence and we walked down the train station with Rhiannon. We talked about random stuff on the way to the train station and we mainly listened to music and talked about it. I think Jaci and I may have excluded her unintentionally a little bit.

Jaci and Rhiannon didn’t catch the first train for them and Jaci didn’t catch the second either so during all this time we continued to listen to music and we even got an interesting talk in about guys making moves on girls. I mean how is that ever supposed to seem natural or right? I mean Jaci and I were sitting pretty close and at one point I could have easily put my hand over her shoulder but I realised this would be out of place. But even if Jaci DID love me then wouldn’t it still be out of place? And kissing I mean how is that supposed to ever happen?

Anyhow i was picked up by mum after Jaci caught her train and the rest of the afternoon went well. I got some good games in and organised with Jaci that I will be around her and Conor as long as they refrain from overly romantic acts. I didn’t get modern done and I am kicking myself but I realise now that this is not just because I played games that I didn’t have the time. Its also cause I was with Jaci.

Diary: 18/8/11

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 09:52:37 -0400

Woke up today at 8:00 since my phone decided not to wake me up when its supposed to. Because of that I would have been late if I rode so I organised to get driven, or rather to drive myself.

So I arrived at school pretty much on the bell and made it to form in time. First up we had IPT and because Windows 7 is incompatible with USB sticks, I couldn’t do English. So the lesson slipped away uselessly

English had me worrying about performing. Its not that its not done, its just that I am not confident in the presentation itself. I sat through a number of our classes presentations with Jack skillfully dodging presenting by going to do his assignment in F1. It started to rain during English and that was nicer to listen to then some of the presentations. At the end Jack was scheduled to do his but he barely missed out. At the end a meeting was called for all the people who had not performed. Naturally I stayed but something then erked me. Mrs Waters dealt with the students in turn and then when she turned to me she said, “You can go”. I think Mrs Waters is under the impression that I have gone which may explain why I haven’t been called up to do it. I will see her tomorrow about it.

After English the rain had died down and I set about finding Jaci. I did so rather successfully near the tuck shop and we had a nice little chat. Before joining people at D block which meant it wasn’t such a nice little chat. PEP was kinda fun. I don’t really get enjoyment out of the crosswords ESPECIALLY if Mrs Knight yells out the answers. But I sit through it and I try to enjoy it for Jaci because I know how much it means to her.

Modern was interesting in the way that the classroom which we normally have, is fenced off to the nearest 1000 bloody metres. Anyhow we were put into the new computer room in SS block. The room is… cosy, mixed with depressing and it reminds me of QASMT. I researched a little bit and I sort of explained my situation to Mr Hamsan. If I explained it properly, then he understands.

Anyhow second break was dissappointing because its the only second break of the week when Conor is not here. Jaci was stuck in drama and so I ended up talking with Casey, Jack and Josh. Eventually Jaci came out looking very flustered and stuck for time.

Ancient was alright. We talked a fair amount and also got a bit of work done. Because of how many people are in our class now, we cannot speak freely. People are always listening in. Jaci and I never get anytime by ourselves anymore since we never meet outside school.

After school I played Kennen, he is fun and I’m pretty good with him. I also got a little bit of Modern work done as I talked to Jaci about alot of things. Mainly about her, me and the lack of being together.

Diary Omitted

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 09:38:07 -0400

The retelling of my day today would probably delve into information that I am not authorised to express. As such I will not be writing a diary today. Bare in mind 2 things. 1, I did not forget to write here today and 2, I will check and if I am allowed to post, I shall

Diary 11/8/11

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 09:37:20 -0400

Idk if its this “being fit” thing Jaci told me about or not but riding to school is easy now. I hardly get tired. Now I just have to work on going to sleep earlier otherwise I can’t get up as easy and that 5 min I sleep in is 5 min not spent at school (on assignments or with Jaci)

Ugh I am ||this close to flipping out in public about Conor. I hope it doesn’t happen and if it does I have a reason. Anyhow after the awkwardly started form I had IPT which I got a bit of work done in and that made me feel good and then English seemed to go well. We had to hand in a draft and I had my powerpoint on the school drive and I hoped that was enough because that was pretty much all I was going to make

Jaci, being sick, was sleeping during break so I went with Josh and apparently Conor upset Jaci while I was away. When I got back Jaci was on the phone to her phone people and then it started to rain so we had to vacate the hill. In PEP I worked on Maths a bit till I decided to work on the crossword with Jaci cause she wanted me to.

I rewrote my hypothesis for Modern and talked about it with Mr Hamson and it seemed easy. I didn’t actually get any work done but it seems do-able. During second break Jaci was, somewhat forcibily, working on Drama so after waiting for a bit and pulling out all the staples from the board, I went to work in the library. English now only has a couple of slides left to do.

Afterwards Jaci had finished but before I could discuss anything she was off with Conor again. I can’t wait till they fight and break up again. Its going to happen and it can’t come soon enough. Half-way through Ancient Jaci turned up from ignoring class with Conor and then we left for the library. I didn’t get any work done again.

After school Jaci had to catch a train and so I offered to accompany her out of the goodness of my heart but I got fought with and moved away from almost the whole time. And at the end what do I get? A reminder of a stupid point she had tried to make to me. Last time I fucking walk to the train station with you.

And you’d think that when I come home I could carefully discuss what I’m so pissed at her about but no. Internet is shitted itself and when I do get it working she isn’t online. Next thing I know Jaci has posted her goodnight post early. THANKS.

Good news? I finished another smurf account with some brilliant Gangplank games… about it. Oh also got an invitation to a party. Have to remember that for when parents are awake

Diary:10/8/11

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:44:00 -0400

Sorry for no post yesterday but I was laptopless

Waking up sleepily I managed to leave eariler than I did most mornings when I am tired. Arriving at school there was some kind of construction at the library and that meant that our group was placed weirdly. Right off the bat Jaci told me she’d be ditching me till PEP, even after telling me that Conor would only get 1 break a week. I’m fine with 2 or more but just tell me.

In modern I wrote down my hypothesis which should help and then in film Jack and I argued about who’s production we are to do (I want to do his but its not finished so I believe we cannot do it)

I spent lunch with Jack and arrived at PEP trying not to be ticked off at Jaci. It worked cause I passed of my anger as anger at the sudoku. Once again I failed to motivate myself to work in IPT and then afterwards I went to work on maths in the library since Jaci was with Conor again. Shortly after setting up however Jaci arrived and inadvertantly forced me to stop work so we all helped Casey.

Ancient was more educational than most lessons and I finished reading the passage in the big book I had.

Tomorrow should be better, Conor isn’t here half the day. I don’t hate Conor, I hate the things that happen around him.