Alright, Uni’s starting to grate. I really wish it didn’t though. Let me show you what I mean. This morning I woke up (well I was tossing and turning wanting to sleep since 8ish) at 10-11ish. I checked the internet, got my bag ready for uni and had a few games of LoL. As I was in the shower (first thing I did) I remembered about my haircut appointment at 12… this was at like 12:10 btw. Anyhow I left on time for the train, there was a cuffuffle about my go card and so when I got to central I got charged $5. I sorted it out later by calling them so, all good.
Now anyway, the thing is that my lecture was just… unappealing.. this is my computer games design lecture remember, that stuff I’m interested in? I just sat there on my laptop not doing anything and not really paying attention. I did put it away and get my book out, that helped me focus on the lecture but still, I had to prompt myself to write notes. Now see that wasn’t the end of the world (and neither was me playing solitaire >.>) but if I keep this up I’m worried if I’ll be a dropout… I’m hoping it was just my mood that day. Not sleeping well and all you know?
Anyhow, I got home, Ken went out so I had the house to myself so I ate dinner with my feet up on the couch playing Solitaire. Was better than expected. Nothing extreme happened until… well something extreme happened. Jaci told me about, and sent a picture to me of, a piercing.. not just a earring piercing or a nose piercing like she did before. A fucking skewer going through two points of her ear. I couldn’t believe she would willingly mutilate herself like that… its hideous… But, hey, wtf am I meant to do about it. I can’t fcking leave her… I need her… we had an argument and the outcome dissappointed me. I realised that the reason she went and got it was because she didn’t need my permission. Well I did know that before but my opinion didn’t impact her at all. This means that we aren’t half as close as I thought we were… she isn’t impacted by me and so I shouldn’t be impacted by her… I thought we were closer than that but hey… I’ll just have to suck it up. Deal with it and move on just like everything else.
The other female aspect of my life at this time, Anna, has kinda reentered after her dissappearance of late. I mean, we broke up but it was the type of break up that made it so impacting. We can’t be together. Hundreds of miles stand between us so… we can’t… it hurts because everytime I see that little thumbnail of a facebook profile I remember how beautiful she is, and then of how I can’t be near her… I mean I’m trying to move on and find someone who I can actually be with but I look at girls in Brisbane and I do find ones I find moderately attractive. I ask myself why (thats me being me) and the reason? Cause they look like Anna… FML. Well sometimes its co-incidental cause… Anna has got me into blondes… or maybe she just made me realise I like them. Idk. Either way, my heart still wants Anna and the only person in the whole of Brisbane who seems be able to counter that, was fcking asleep… can’t talk-up sleeping girls. Anna and I seem to be talking more now and I’m loving it… I hope we can find a solution so we can be together because there is nothing more I want.