Hey howdy

Just been to a Magic the gathering draft which was pretty fun seeing as how I managed to latch onto a somewhat decent strategy. It meant that I won 2 booster packs (although my best card I got in the draft and then never used in the games). For the first time I felt like I would be ok with building a new deck (previously I’ve just sat with my Madness deck, which cost me nothing and was/is pri-deece) but then I remembered that I dont play magic.. the drafts are the only time I use them. I mean I’ve got 2 huge containers full of cards that I never use because of these drafts. I guess I just want a deck to go besides my madness deck but I also dont want to waste money buying tons of cards to fill up space.

Anyhow, uni has been well, Uni. I got a couple of low level assessment pieces that were due in last week and had to scramble to get them done. Well, it wasn’t hard just had to do them and I left no time for that. Still, got them done and it went well. And my presentation was apparently well done enough to attract a couple of people to join Courtney and I already! Seem like decent guys. Unlike the group I have had for game design. Jasir and I conflicted on everything and, well this is purely emotion fueled speculation with no evidence, but I figure his artwork just won the other guys over so they were able to vote against me and that meant that Jasir is the good guy here. Upon looking into his idea I just had no faith in the idea. Not the direction they were taking it. After todays presentation we sat down with the lecturer and had a discussion about the whole thing and whilst it feasible for us to continue to work together, neither Jasir nor I wanted that to happen over splitting up. The lecturer did then decide that we should, if just simply because continuing together would see more fighting and bickering, to the point that it would impact our grade. So, Im a floating group member atm. Nothing to work on until she reshuffles the groups of 3 so that maybe they can become groups of 4 and then I’ll fit in one of them. Hopefully I’ll move to Tuesdays group as well.

Whats next, work? Work is fine.. nothing special there. I organised the first swapping of shifts that I’ve had to do. Pretty cool.. ish

Alright personal stuff. Well, I talked with Jaci. I saw her at Central one day while I was working and decided I’d text her then. Well, few days later I was able to. Went as well as you’d expect initially. Got angry. Insults flew (Personal favourite: “You should get yourself to a butcher. That way you can show him that cow’s dont have hearts”). After cooling off I managed to have a normal conversation with her and she (apparently) sent me $40 as a testiment that she will pay it back (I say apparently because her bank seems to be run entirely off 90’s cell phones, and hence takes like 4 days to transfer funds so I haven’t seen it yet). As with Courtney.. nothing spectacular. I kinda felt something while I was bored watching presentations in the aforementioned presentation section that I did well in. However, rushing ahead never solved anything in any kind of relationship. Sailing smoothly and silently. Well, undetected… Well its not like there is anything to detect but… oh you get my meaning. I’ll just keep doing what im doing.

Well I’m back. I kind of hate coming here as I feel like I’m lying to someone. Everything and anything I talk about is bound to change and if I or anyone else is using this as reflection on my life then these posts have to serve quite a high level of legibility. I suppose this contraint is self inflicted but its a diary about me so who else is going to give me the contraints? What constraint is there to never post?

Regardless, Hi.
My thats a while since I posted, um ok. Christmas was great. The best part was the sitting around with family and having everything being ok and right with the world. I also got Halo 4 so, not bad. Biggest thing though is that Jack bought me GW2 (even though the promise was that they had to be playing still).

Guild Wars 2 is amazing. I’ve never been invested in an MMORPG before and thats largely been because the only MMO worth it was WoW and I hate subscription fee’s. It wreaked havoc on my sleeping pattern. I had a solid, 2am to 11am sleeping thing going on, and GW2 just fcks it up, making me go to bed 3-4 and wake up 12-1. It wasn’t even on the dot or anything it was mished and mashed. Sometimes I’d go to bed at 2 and still get up at 1. Eugh, anyway, invested in GW2 atm. Moreso than LoL. I hit 80 before Jack did and he had a 50 level lead… Anyhow you dont really want me to hear me talk about GW2. Although talking about games would be fun, it’d be monotonous and REALLY long.

Onto life then, I still have the job. Going strong, no more pain, I fit in… as well as I fit in anywhere. At one time i had 4 shifts a week but Uni’s on now so back to 3 shifts, good times in the afternoons after Uni. Sucks having to stay back but I’ve got to work sometime. Got $5000 in savings and getting $2000 in 2 weeks. Looking into buying a proper gaming PC… its taking a while.

Uni is pretty cool. First week done, currently struggling physically. As with the afformentioned screwed up sleeping pattern its kinda hard to get up everyday at 7-8 am and do things. I have been good the past week but said fck it this weekend and also now by staying up too late, hopefully this will not be a problem. (I know it will). Horrible class timings aside the classes themselves are great. Good lecturers all round and the classes seem interesting. Multimedia Systems is seeming a bit coo-coo atm though. Lecturer is kinda crazy.. Anyway, 1st week. Idk anything about how the content will be.

Funny thing, 3 of my subjects are the same as my afformentioned “Flower”. I should probably stop calling her that cause I almost didn’t know who I was talking about when I read it! I mean its not like I think Courtney reads this. I’ve never told her about it. Just that I feel comfortable will saying her name as I can’t see how it would be that we end up together I mean we are really different. Not different like me to a marine biologist/living on the edge person but just how we go about things. She actually has a life. Still, good friend to have. Especially with the similar subjects. Besides, the best relationships are the ones that aren’t organised. I mean whether 2 people are compatible is beyond anyones control so feck it.

Alright, last topic. Jaci. I haven’t talked to her in weeks. I’ve deleted her number so I literally cannot text her. At least 3 weeks and she doesn’t want to say hey or anything. Fuck her. Thats what I’ve decided. I’ve wasted enough of my life loving who she was. Jaci from Ancient doesn’t exist anymore and no amount of talking to Jaci + Conor is going to help with that. Nothing I can do can change it. Nothing. I’ve just left it. If it is able to be sorted out then the sorting out of it doesn’t involve me at all and it’ll just happen. The one problem is she still owes me money. Now how am I meant to get the money from her if she’s broke? If she was to come into any money now, I’d have no idea because I dont talk to her anymore. I spose I’ll have to put that on the backburner as well. I doubt I’ll forget it anyway.

Still bored. Jack gets internet back on Monday so that will probably be when things get a lot more interesting.

Haven’t really done anything since arriving home. Since it was a public holiday I didn’t get my normal Monday shift so just the 3:30 to 7:00 Tuesday shift and the 7:00 to 11:00 on Wednesday. Thats right, 7 AM on Wednesday. Its killing me… I was meant to get up for Uni on Thursday at 9am just like normal right? Oh god it was painful to be awake… I couldn’t go… I hope my body will adapt or that I wont have a regular shift cause otherwise life is going to suck.

Its also been causing my ankles to hurt. Especially my left one. If that doesn’t go away I’ll have to consider orthotics again…

Money is awesome but I have to go back to my dietary worries of when I was at Subway. I’ve always used my lack of money as a way of justifying not having unhealthy things. But with money, that doesn’t apply.

I found out yesterday that I had an assignment due tommorrow, but I got it done today. Wasn’t too hard once I bought the $95 textbook. That was what I worked on today. After finally having that shave that I told myself I was going to have how long ago?

Girls? Well with the third girl (lets call her Flower cause, apparently thats what to call people I secretly admire) I’ve found myself kind of torn about whether I like her or not. But I think that the best thing to do, is to not think about it. I shouldn’t be deciding whether I like her thats just a thing that happens.

Well I suppose boredom is a factor in me making these posts. I really find myself without anything to do now. Its not that I dont have games that I could play and find enjoyable, but there is a lack of meaning to them. Tf2, LoL, DayZ all of them, even BLands 2. They have no meaning without friends to play them with. I dont think I need new friends though I mean most of the time its fine, its just the sometimes that no one is online. And I do have other friends but their hours of “busy” is magnified by the fact that I cannot convince them to come play, like Changy.

Anywho, the diary part of the diary. Just went and read my previous entry so I know where I left it. A whole semester ago. Subjects have changed, for the better. Game Design subject is getting more serious which is great cause, I pretty much got to design my own game. We only get to make a shitty prototype of one level, but the design of the entire game is there. And it was awesome. Secondly I have a subject called introduction into games production or something similar, which is theory about the entire games production line. From conception to funding to hiring people. That kind of stuff. Boring, but I’m sure its useful.

I then have 2 programming subjects. One on SQL and the other with Processing which is “Programming for Visual Designers and Artists” (Read: Veggie Programming). Its fun though and the SQL has been good so far but they’re moving into the access side of databases now which is giving me bad memories of IPT…

All in all, Uni is good… as long as I can focus on Databases now that assessment is over.

I got a job! I totally did yeah, Supanews at Central Station. Great job, pretty easy going, nice boss, even nicer supervisor, better pay than Subway too. It’d be all nice and breezy if it wasn’t for the fact that I think my regular shift on Wednesday starts at 7am… this requires a 5am wake up for me… that, sucks. But hey, I’m enjoying the disposable income, hopefully it’ll change, only the 3rd week.

The friendship between Jaci and I has been going through a sort of … renaissance period. Things that have always been the same are changed, a lot of sadness is had, but generally everyone is happy. Essentially the biggest/latest thing (idk which) that happened is she called me and told me that she just did not respect me and was going to go and not treat me as a friend. I wrote her a poem just like the one she did for me and I think it helped. I believe that it stopped her leaving but she’s still taking time to come back. Which is ok, right this very moment she’s… pissy. Idk why, idk when, but I’m sure it’ll pass. Very sure, I think I caught her at a bad time.

Other life females? Well, Anna and I talked (bigger than you think) and after our talk I can get why I was happy to leave her. Even if she wasn’t a bitch, I didn’t like THAT much of her personality. She’s pretty, yes, but I can’t be shallow. Also, I fucked up with her, best to just leave it.

My current fancy well, its surprising, idk about talking about it yet. Still got no idea if she knows, if she agree’s, if she likes it or anything. Will be included in the next update.

Alright, Uni’s starting to grate. I really wish it didn’t though. Let me show you what I mean. This morning I woke up (well I was tossing and turning wanting to sleep since 8ish) at 10-11ish. I checked the internet, got my bag ready for uni and had a few games of LoL. As I was in the shower (first thing I did) I remembered about my haircut appointment at 12… this was at like 12:10 btw. Anyhow I left on time for the train, there was a cuffuffle about my go card and so when I got to central I got charged $5. I sorted it out later by calling them so, all good.

Now anyway, the thing is that my lecture was just… unappealing.. this is my computer games design lecture remember, that stuff I’m interested in? I just sat there on my laptop not doing anything and not really paying attention. I did put it away and get my book out, that helped me focus on the lecture but still, I had to prompt myself to write notes. Now see that wasn’t the end of the world (and neither was me playing solitaire >.>) but if I keep this up I’m worried if I’ll be a dropout… I’m hoping it was just my mood that day. Not sleeping well and all you know?

Anyhow, I got home, Ken went out so I had the house to myself so I ate dinner with my feet up on the couch playing Solitaire. Was better than expected. Nothing extreme happened until… well something extreme happened. Jaci told me about, and sent a picture to me of, a piercing.. not just a earring piercing or a nose piercing like she did before. A fucking skewer going through two points of her ear. I couldn’t believe she would willingly mutilate herself like that… its hideous… But, hey, wtf am I meant to do about it. I can’t fcking leave her… I need her… we had an argument and the outcome dissappointed me. I realised that the reason she went and got it was because she didn’t need my permission. Well I did know that before but my opinion didn’t impact her at all. This means that we aren’t half as close as I thought we were… she isn’t impacted by me and so I shouldn’t be impacted by her… I thought we were closer than that but hey… I’ll just have to suck it up. Deal with it and move on just like everything else.

The other female aspect of my life at this time, Anna, has kinda reentered after her dissappearance of late. I mean, we broke up but it was the type of break up that made it so impacting. We can’t be together. Hundreds of miles stand between us so… we can’t… it hurts because everytime I see that little thumbnail of a facebook profile I remember how beautiful she is, and then of how I can’t be near her… I mean I’m trying to move on and find someone who I can actually be with but I look at girls in Brisbane and I do find ones I find moderately attractive. I ask myself why (thats me being me) and the reason? Cause they look like Anna… FML. Well sometimes its co-incidental cause… Anna has got me into blondes… or maybe she just made me realise I like them. Idk. Either way, my heart still wants Anna and the only person in the whole of Brisbane who seems be able to counter that, was fcking asleep… can’t talk-up sleeping girls. Anna and I seem to be talking more now and I’m loving it… I hope we can find a solution so we can be together because there is nothing more I want.

Well today’s been empty. Just like every day this past week. Its been holidays and i’ve done nothing outside the house, except for a couple of things. Uni’s been alright. I am on top of everything right now apart from one particularly obtrusive python program (I’m looking at you Eliza!) but it should be alright.

Computer games design is fun and there is almost no homework

Introducing Design is apparently over and my blog is to a standard where i am now satisfied with it

Building IT systems is fun and apart from the aforementioned femalely named pain in the ass I am doing well… not my partner though.

Industry Insights oh god.. haven’t been to anything in 3 weeks cause of holidays, Introducing Design and my fainting spell

Yeah I fainted at central a few weeks ago. Doctor said I was sick and so I was out of energy so I just collapsed. TBH I never actually fainted, I just collapsed.

Another event of note is my birthday. Happened two weeks ago and we went for a nice family picnic/barbecue. That was satisfying. I hate my birthday. Just this past friday we also had a dinner at the Pancake Manor in town. I was kinda… upset by different things at the time but it was pretty cool and I think my relatives really did enjoy themselves. Anyways the aforementioned upsetness was just cause I was lonely. As I am mostly these days. Anna left me cause she couldn’t handle the long distance relationship, this may have been how I was handling it though cause just recently we’ve started talking again and I quote her “I am not over you”. So, idk. But that friday Jaci came so I felt really lonely yeah. I have no idea whats going to happen with Anna… but I miss her.. I want to hold her. I want to love her…

Just a quick post. Anna and I split up. After a small screw up by me she overreacted (cause she got fired on the same day) and after then she never really liked me. I continued to like her more and more but in the end, it was so disparate that she couldn’t handle what I wanted (which was reasonable if she liked me as much as I did her). I’m ok with the break up. I will miss her but I realise she didn’t like me so I’m ok with it. I’m going to wait till a girl likes me before I like her now, cause I’m sick of women atm.

Jaci and I remain friends somehow. I tried to split us up cause I was thinking that I’m a terrible friend. And I am. But she doesn’t want it to be that way. And no, I’m not going back to loving Jaci now that I’m done with Anna

Also, Subway called and I’m fired. They can’t allow me to ignore customers twice. I only ignored them because I was told to do a job but I decided not to press the matter because it was going to be a hassle because of what I’m gonna say next.

I’m moving out! Yeah, its a little room over in Lutwytche but its cheap enough that I can survive on the centrelink payments. Which means yeah, didn’t need to fight for my job. We’ve starting packing things. I think it’ll be cool.

Alright first off I have to tell you that its not the end of the day, so this isn’t really a diary post for today, more for my life since my last diary. Secondy, and this is a big thing. Probably…. no definitely a bigger thing than my first point. I’m no longer attempting to woo Jaci. Yup, completely over her. Now see the real kicker for this to happen was me finding someone else. Annalise Payne. Previously she was some chick who was friends with Jaci and I heard about on occasion. Now? She’s my girlfriend :| Ikr, who’d have thunk it. We first met when I was calling Jaci a slut, you know when she kissed Conor. Anna had messaged me and right from the get go, I just found her really nice. I mean Casey had a go at me, Jess threatened me but Anna? She kindly told me to stop, cause it was wrong. So I immediately stopped and starting talking to her instead. I liked her, sure, and I considered her as a possibility of someone (like you do with all new people you meet) but at that time I still liked Jaci.

Fast forward a few days and she’s been talking to me a lot and so I’ve begun to think she likes me so I was worried about that (again, still into Jaci) and then we were on the topic of Valentines day so… I asked her to be my valentine. Idk why, I guess at the time I figured it was a friendly enough gesture to be passed off if I didn’t like her and romantic enough to enable the start of a relationship. Anyhow after that things changed… we wouldn’t just chat anymore. All our talks were awkward because neither of us knew whether we were friends or if we liked each other. Eventually Jaci gave me her number and we started texting, then one night I jokingly asked for a photo and she said no, then she did anyway. Idk why, possibly because of how tired I was, but I almost instantly fell in love with the beauty of the girl in that photo. From that moment I didn’t give a rats about Jaci (well I do, she’s still my friend) and I just wanted her. The next night I called her and we have done so every night since except one. Our relationship progressed from there and in about a week I ended up saying I loved her.

We decided to abort that though, she said it back but we had to put the brakes on somewhere but did send her flowers for Valentines day and we agreed that as of that night, we were bf-gf. So yeah, we’ve been getting closer and I cannot wait till I get to see her in May when she comes down. We’ve organised (well, lets just say theorised) that we will spend most of one day together, then she can stay over my house and we’ll go to one of the superparks (dreamworld etc) the next day.

Uni hasn’t started yet, but I got my timetable so, all looks well :)

Well, its Australia Day of the first year out of school. Been a long time since my last post… there’s a lot thats changed and I’d rather not talk about it but I spose that if I didn’t want to then I wouldn’t be here, which is partially to blame for why its taken me so long to post.

Well, Jaci’s back together with Conor and I now hold my feelings towards her as a good friend and not in love. Well, it fluctuates between that and the chick I wish I could chuck in a river (not fatal you see?), but more on that later. Now although I’ve told myself that I don’t love Jaci anymore, you’ve got to consider the fact that it was never my decision to fall in love with her anyway. It just happened and logically that means its natural and natural stuff doesn’t change. Which seems to denote that something is afoot. I haven’t seen Jaci, in person, since formal, so I’m still begrudgingly expecting myself to be in love with her again when I do because naturally that’s what is meant to happen. Not that I could think that I could love her at times nowadays…

She’s kissed Conor, don’t be an ass I know that couples kiss but it wasn’t that, it was how she put it. It was as if she was proud of it, gloating, shoving the fact that it was his lips and not mine that were on hers. I ended up calling her a slut just because I was so angry at her… after a few days in NSW she was sad and so she made me (through all natural girl persuasion powers) to talk to her again and we laid down rules. Rules like, no talking about Conor, I don’t give a crap about your shit and no random convos. If we’ve reached the end of the conversation, leave it. Forget it and only come back when you have something to talk about. For the most part they work well, a few days ago I was at the stage of removing that second rule cause I realised that if I wanted to talk to her about my shit, I’m gonna have to talk about her shit. (Although, if you look in the chat, it’d probably look like I just want to talk about her boobs so I’m willing to sit through whatever dribble she’d give to me) <— which isn’t it entirely at all.

But yeah, today, Jaci and I had organised a week in advance to see each other for the first time since formal. But she pulled out… just like at all the other events that she’s always supposed to go to but ditches me… Like my birthday party… which got cancelled… cause of her… I felt like crying, me, on my birthday…

Oh, btw, I have a job at Subway which is working out well, Strathpine, in the food court. Its pretty cool, having a disposable income. Of course, till this time, having sweet or unhealthy things available to me have been treats, so even if I gobbled up every sweet thing that was available to me, it wasn’t much. But now I have a proper job, and that means money. I can get 4L of Sunkist for $2.50! Essentially it means that (as long as I go out) I have a infinite supply of unhealthy food. This is great and I’m not fat atm but I realised that I could drink 2L of soft drink a day, hell, maybe in one night. Im not going to stop my buying habits (which is restricted to one drink and one snacky thing available at one time) but one easy way i’ve found is never have something near your computer. I used to have huge glasses of soft drink and I felt terrible when I saw the bottom. But I realised that having them full of water, gave me the satisfaction whilst drinking. All I want to do while at a computer, is ingest stuff, whether it’s water, soft drink, cookies or salad (haven’t actually tested that last bit)

Anyhow, 12 PM now and I have work tomorrow so I’ll end this post here, good day readers.

Sorry for the lack of posts, schoolwork has been clamming down harder than a jail warden.

Anyway today started sleepily due to all the time I spent awake last night because of Ancient so I begrudingly got ready and mum drove all of us to school. When we got to Dakabin I realised it was a free dress day and I wasn’t in free dress so we dropped Cadence off and went home, changed, and then came back.

I ended up on time for form. The relief teacher for Mrs Knight was nice. Most relief teachers are weird and kind of reject students but she actively talked to us and she even said she thought I was a Uni Student >.>

In Ancient I tried very hard not to get picked but after Jeremy’s she told me to go, so I went to print stuff out to avoid going then so I printed stuff out to avoid presenting for just one more presentation. When I presented I felt it went better than expected. 2 people voted Malaria and all the rest said Alcohol poisoning.

Anyhow Amelie keeps getting weirder and we played cards in film. Jaci and I had a nice lunch break after she performed her English assignment. In PEP we worked closely together (physically) on a crossword.

Maths was spent annoying Jack with my non-grasp of the subject matter. Maths is pretty laidback now cause all the work is done.

Second break I caught up with Jaci and I followed her and we talked while she ran some errands about Drama, speaking of which I still have her scripts :O We also tried to figure out what we were doing after school and we didn’t get there. Eventually I had a talk with my mum on the phone and she told me that she would be able to pick both Jaci and us up to go home.

This meant that all through English I had high hopes of finally showing Jaci my house. After English I told Jaci about the plan and she said that she didn’t want to run off to someone’s house without telling her mum so we changed plans and mummy agreed to give me some cash and then we were to stay at school till the performance. After trying convincing Jaci to stand on a really big grate in the bike racks (she squeezed my arm so tight :D) Jaci and I then started walking and talking all the way to Lillybrook. We bought a real coffee and then ordered a “Tradies Combo” with medium chips. We then walked and talked all the way back to school. It was great, tiring, but great.

By the time we got back to school we had no coke or burger left and only a few cold chips which seemed to appeal to the ravenous hunger of Jack but I left them there so idk what actually happened to them. Soon after arriving preparations started and I found myself assisting Jaci in what she was doing at the time. People started to roll in and I had difficulty convincing Jack that I had an informal backstage pass. I was eventually ushered away from backstage and into the normal crowd. Zach and I got a couple of front row seats.

I’m not going to explain what happened in the plays here because… it’d double or triple what I’ve already written here. But I will say that both plays were excellent and because we were in the front row we got to throw rocks! Well, newspaper rocks with sticky tape around them.

Despite the lovely day we had together, Jaci ditched me for Conor to go home :|

She did have to go home with him though but :/ yeah. Anyway I got home, watched Goodgame while eating pizza. Had a bath. Played a couple of ranked games and then wrote my blog. And so concludes this entry of this awesome day